Slightly Surprised............

Well I had a interesting weekend!

And some interesting news............

Well I found out my dad is getting married! It's strange in a way, can't say it caught me by surprise! I never thought either of my parents would get married you know? They don't seem like those types of people. Especially my dad he's always out and about, it's strange. But oh well I have to get use to it.

I can't believe I got up this morning! (usually I sleep in till 2) But my dog woke me up, she makes word noises like shes trying to talk, telling me to wake up I gotta go pee! LOL

My weekend was slightly annoying, and fun at the same time.
My cousin kept picking me up everyday to go have a few beers, but the shitty thing is that she kept bringing her kids along................ I get it!!! You can't get a babysitter, But it's such an uncomfortable feeling drinking with little kids around. I mean what happens if cops come around? It's gonna look really bad. And besides that little kids shouldn't be around liquor at such a young age. It sort of wrecks the fun u kno?

Well I better get back to work!

xoxo

Finally no more of being a DUMBASS!!!

Well things have changed over the summer,

ALOT of stuff has happened!

From moving out of my house for 7 weeks (cuz my house need to be fixed) to the trailers, then moving back in, to school starting, crashing my car, schooling starting, to ending of an relationship. YEAH!!! ALOT of stuff has happened!!!!

But after all this, I just realized......... I need to get my life back on track!

It's werid! You would think all of these things would affect me emotionally, But it dosen't! It dosen't bother me. I just realized what my priorities are, and what needs to get done first. it's a werid truth. I never thought i would need all of this stuff happening to me first just to see it. I think now I can focus on it you know?

 Alot of things need to get done, it's all jumbled in my head! Ok one thing at a time, I should write this all down LOL!

Thanksgiving was fun! Ate alot, hanged around with the family. I just wished I could of taken home some stuffing! It's like a huge fight just to get it! LOL!

Well just at school now trying to get shit done, But OMG! It's so hard to concentrate! There are screaming kids just going crazy! And the mothers don't even tell them to stop or shut up! FUCK!
I'm so close to snapping!
I get it, your allowed to bring ur kids to school with you but this is too much! BE A MOM! OTHER PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO WORK TOO!!! Shit find a fucking babysitter!

I can handle the screaming for an hour or 2 but when it's 5 FUCKING HOURS! I'm ready to pull my hair out!!!!!

The worst part is when it's everyday! From monday to friday! I swear I'll be deaf by the end of the year.

Some people don't even think about the others around them! seesh!!!!


xoxo

Jealousy of Mothers and Life (to me at least?)

I have a new theory about life.

What if a person like me try to live the life of a mom? Without being a mom.

Is that even possible?

Have other people tried it?

All my friends that have kids and people I look up to have kids seem to have a stable life, sadly the kind of life I want but with out kids (do you kind of get it?).

It's just how happy they are, how proud they are, how they know what the next step is (sort of).

If you know what I mean then you get it. But others might have problems understanding.

I'm not say getting pregnant is the answer to happiness. I'm just saying people that experienced that seem to me have a happy stable life.

Ive tried the so called "right" way:

Kane and I dated awhile
We moved in together
We got dogs together

The next step is to get engaged, than married, then kids and so on. But we are not there yet on the list incase you haven't noticed.

IDK?
Maybe it's just the beauty of how these mothers are living there lives?
Inspiration?
Motivation?
Determination? 

IDK?

It's just how there living there lives is inspiring to me (they have to tell me there secrets! lol!)

I have a list of moms in my head that inspire me,
They just keep on going.
Don't stop.
Until what needs to get done gets done.

So this post is to moms that gets shit done to provide a better life for there kids.

They inspire me

I just wish I have what they have, the dream? The inspiration?

IDK

Let's just say I'm sort of jealous of you

I wish I knew what my life should focus on,
But since it's still like this life is throwing me random balls and I don't know what to focus on.

This is a shout out to all hard working mothers.

You have my respect!
<3

xoxo

Rant for weeks slash trouble with mother-in-laws

Let's just say lately I've been off track of everything I wanted to do. I'm embarrassed……

Lately I've been on a drinking binge for a straight week, I'm disappointed in myself. I was suppose to go to school, I was suppose to get stuff done, I was suppose to start and finish projects. But I wasted my week.

I guess the reason why I drink is cause I get frustrated. 

Here's one of the reasons why:

Well I've been having problems with my boyfriend Kane.
All I want is for him to be a man and get shit done like he always says he's gonna do.
I mean he always goes to his mom's house everyday and just stays there doing nothing, I mean I GET IT!!!
You have a close relationship with your mom but there's only so much that it becomes unhealthy.

He constantly does everything for her, and this is what causes most of our fights.

Here is what I really want to say to him:

Your mom is a grown woman, she is still young. But the way she raised you is kind of twisted.
She has 8 kids, it's not your responsibility to raise them it's her, your the kid and she's the mom. If she can't handle raising her kids then she should quit opening her legs to guys that make fake promises to her and that can't even take care of her! You pay for her bills, you take her places, you watch the kids, you get her food, you do this and that! there's only so much stupidity I can take!!!!!

I mean I do things for my family when they ask me, but my family tries not to ask so much because they know they have to do it themselves, they only ask when they can't do it and if it's urgent and got nobody to turn to. I have support from my family but they always encourage me to do things for myself, to be my own person and to learn from my experiences.

But Kane you need to understand that what your mom is doing and raising her kids is wrong, it's not right.
Your mom easily makes a ton of money from the kids child tax and social, she can easily pay her bills, buy a car, get food and clothes for her kids. But instead she lets D take all her money and gives nothing to the kids. I don't know if this is a way just to keep her boyfriend with her (since he has no interest in taking in 8 kinds fathered by 2 guys)

I mean it's just pathetic!

And Since D got out of jail your whole attitude has changed from last year.
We use to be able to drink together and everything would just be fine but ever since he came out and everything you drink with me now, you freak out at me!!! And I noticed this ever since that bastard came out of jail.

I don't know what you see in him? Do you think he is a father figure? Do you think he is a Man?
A man that beats your mom, takes all her money for himself, that does nothing all day, that does not work or try to do anything, that gives nothing to your siblings except for his own kid, that has nothing going for his life except for trying to be gangster. Do you think that's a man? Some Man!!!!

Your mom has chances to make her home a better (livable) home. She can get real beds for her kids and make real rooms for them instead of it being a free for all (basically if you find the place to sleep then you sleep), she can get a real living room and a real kitchen. I mean there are places that helps families get all this, resources. But your mom is to lazy to even try! She always makes the baby an excuse or she makes people feel sorry for her. She's show's no interest in trying to help herself and her family. She needs to smarten up, grow up and take up her responsibility.

I mean seriously I've met harder working moms who have 1 or 2 jobs and go to school full-time. And al there doing is just tryna give better lives to there kids. Those kind of moms I give respect to.

I'm not tryna diss your mom or anything but all I'm tryna tell you is to stay home more get your own shit done, do stuff less for her, show her that her actions are not acceptable. Because deep down inside you know it's not right. I mean imagine, if I started to do that to our kid if we broke up. You would be so angry!

All I'm saying is that she needs to learn to do things for herself, and not getting everybody to do it for her.

I mean I always try to help you and guide you to do things for yourself, try to let you be your own person, with your own thoughts. But it gets harder when your mother always interferes with our lives. 

And the fact you don't notice this makes me so frustrated!

I mean you always tell me you want to do this or you want to try that or what kind of man you want to be, but honestly how can you if she keeps interfering with you and not making you live your life!

Honestly

I'm getting tired of caving, I'm getting tired of fighting over the same things over and over again.




Well thats why I'm frustrated!

I get so mad at myself because when i get so close to telling him this, he always freaks out at the beginning so that I can't tell him everything.

ugh this is driving me crazy!!!!

well till next time!!!

xoxo
Sky Scream