Update August

Hey you! 

Wow! It's been so long since I blogged, I promise to keep you up to date from now on!

Well, Ive gotten extensions put in my hair............and I LOVE THEM!!!!!
I joined World Health gym, and I got a personal trainer! It's the best! I mean the amount of money I spend a month is actually worth it!

But this summer I've been in this youth program (It's suppose to put you in different jobs to gain work experience. But it's SHIT! They really need to hire some people to run this program because the people doing it now have no clue what there doing!) But an easy way to earn cash I guess?

Oh yeah! 
And my cousin Tia came to live with me and my great aunt.
I'm not gonna complain she has been a big help! She cleans and cooks, and keeps my grandmother (great aunt) happy. And it's nice to have some one young like I am around the house.
Gotta give props to my cousin Tia for making my life less stressful!

But lately I've had no cash on me because bills built up over the summer. OMG this is the first that ever happened! I now understand why people say I wish I was a kid again! Same here!!!

I still want things, I want to improve in my life, I got one done (working out 4 times a week). But (yeah i gotta admit when I'm bored I drink) cut down and do something that will keep me busy. BUT HEY! At least I'm making baby steps to improve my life! It's hard I gotta admit! I have low self discipline ( and YES I hate myself for that!) But baby steps you know, baby steps.

I'm not saying I have a problem, it;s just i'm ADHD and I gotta have something todo to keep me busy. And believe me, on the rez you can get extremely BORED!!!!!!! So yeah, I'm trying to come up with other options for me to do. It's been hard. But at least I haven't given up!

Anyways at the moment it's 1:58 am and I'm watching Jeepers Creepers 2. And I'm kinda getting creeped out LOL!

But anyways my upcoming posts will be more me............if you catch my drift! With pics and shit I mean LOL! 

Anyways I'll keep you posted!!!! PROMISE!!!!!!!

XOXO

Slightly Surprised............

Well I had a interesting weekend!

And some interesting news............

Well I found out my dad is getting married! It's strange in a way, can't say it caught me by surprise! I never thought either of my parents would get married you know? They don't seem like those types of people. Especially my dad he's always out and about, it's strange. But oh well I have to get use to it.

I can't believe I got up this morning! (usually I sleep in till 2) But my dog woke me up, she makes word noises like shes trying to talk, telling me to wake up I gotta go pee! LOL

My weekend was slightly annoying, and fun at the same time.
My cousin kept picking me up everyday to go have a few beers, but the shitty thing is that she kept bringing her kids along................ I get it!!! You can't get a babysitter, But it's such an uncomfortable feeling drinking with little kids around. I mean what happens if cops come around? It's gonna look really bad. And besides that little kids shouldn't be around liquor at such a young age. It sort of wrecks the fun u kno?

Well I better get back to work!

xoxo

Finally no more of being a DUMBASS!!!

Well things have changed over the summer,

ALOT of stuff has happened!

From moving out of my house for 7 weeks (cuz my house need to be fixed) to the trailers, then moving back in, to school starting, crashing my car, schooling starting, to ending of an relationship. YEAH!!! ALOT of stuff has happened!!!!

But after all this, I just realized......... I need to get my life back on track!

It's werid! You would think all of these things would affect me emotionally, But it dosen't! It dosen't bother me. I just realized what my priorities are, and what needs to get done first. it's a werid truth. I never thought i would need all of this stuff happening to me first just to see it. I think now I can focus on it you know?

 Alot of things need to get done, it's all jumbled in my head! Ok one thing at a time, I should write this all down LOL!

Thanksgiving was fun! Ate alot, hanged around with the family. I just wished I could of taken home some stuffing! It's like a huge fight just to get it! LOL!

Well just at school now trying to get shit done, But OMG! It's so hard to concentrate! There are screaming kids just going crazy! And the mothers don't even tell them to stop or shut up! FUCK!
I'm so close to snapping!
I get it, your allowed to bring ur kids to school with you but this is too much! BE A MOM! OTHER PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO WORK TOO!!! Shit find a fucking babysitter!

I can handle the screaming for an hour or 2 but when it's 5 FUCKING HOURS! I'm ready to pull my hair out!!!!!

The worst part is when it's everyday! From monday to friday! I swear I'll be deaf by the end of the year.

Some people don't even think about the others around them! seesh!!!!


xoxo

Being Man and Woman at The Same Time

I think it's time, to become the ULTIMATE WOMEN!

You know? able to do everything and anything.

Basically being the man and the woman in the relationship, maybe this means I should buy a vibrator? lol!

I know it's possible, I've seen women do it before, I just gotta learn how they can do it! I wanna be strong like them, like Jamie. But I just don't know how to do it? I need tips, advice. But they are my inspiration.

I know Kane can't be the man I need now, he needs some time to grow in it. (since he's younger than me)
Maybe I need to be everything for both of us, just in tell he grows into it or till he notices that he needs to grow up?

I've seen plenty of other of women do this, actually they inspire me, Jamie, my grandma, Sami. the list goes on. And I know it can be done.

To me it's called being a strong powerful woman.
Something that's important to me to live by.

Kane's ideas of money making and life are a joke. sadly. 
He already gave all of his income support money to D and his mom, and nothing was gained.
I knew this was gonna happen. Even if I spoke up it wouldn't have made a difference. By all of this past and experience, it makes me think I need to be both man and woman in the relationship. Because I'm the only one that thinks about the numbers, the budget, the future, and life.

In a way it can make me feel in power, and in control.

I just wish I wasn't doing this alone. But I guess I have to for now, just to keep us afloat.

I just wish someone hits Kane with a frying pan, and that he knows that he has to grow up and help me, improve our lives,and get us to where we want to be in life.

But I'm all by myself. it has a lot of stress on me. But I know this needs to get done.

I hate being alone in all of this.

I just wish Kane knew how all this stresses me, and I just wished he helped out.

I hate how he keeps taking off just for D, and trusting him enough to give him all of his money. I hate how he keeps talking that education is important but when I try to get him to school, he gets cranky, lazy, or mad at me.

I keep trying to push him to do what he says what he wants to do or get done. But I feel like he always gets mad at me for doing it.

So I should keep things to myself, if he fails on his own it's his fault. I just need us to get through the day, our life.

And I believe I can do that because other woman I look up too has done that before.

I hope I'm strong like them, like Jamie.

I just hope I can be strong like them.

Here's me being STRONG

xoxo

Stupid Ideas and Waste of Money

Well yesterday was a roller coaster ride.

Let's just say I got upset with Kane for going back on his word. But honestly I shouldn't have been all that surprise. It always happens.

He left to his mom's house. I thought it was gonna be quick and D called for him so I thought it was harmless. But than he came back at 9 kind of drunk wanting to borrow something of mines and go back to the house. He told me they invited him to a barbecue. At this point I thought this was a slap in the face. He promised me he would be a better boyfriend, and that all this bullshit would stop, but here it was back on course. Kane would make a promise and keep to it for a week or 2, then either D or someone get him to do something than he goes back to his old ways.

I'm just tired of the promises he hasn't kept, to be honest I don't trust his word anymore. I need to see it to believe it now.

I just wish these people didn't have such a hold over him. He needs to improve his life but these people are just bringing him down and making him be in the same place.

But I still haven't given up on him.

I know how hard it is to change because I'm going through it myself. But the difference between me and him is that I know what's bringing me down and I think things through, I keep my promises, I keep moving forward and keep getting things done, and I know how to say no.

Let's just say yesterday I was doing a lot of thinking.
I'm always the one cleaning up his messes including mine. And he needs to start seeing that. Cause I'm the one that has to use my own money to get the car (even though he said he was gonna pay for it), how I noticed this is that first he promised his social check to me, than after a couple weeks he wants to sell weed and only give me $40 out of the profit for the car.

Well then that's gonna take a lot time for saving up just only $40 at a time to get $2500. I need the car by this summer! He needs a new plan! But of course I know this isn't him talking, it sounds like D talking.

I don't trust this plan, I don't trust D. It sounds like the exact same thing like last year and all Kane got was screwed over.

Let's just say Kane gave D $700 for weed so he can sell it. D got the weed sold some and never gave Kane a single cent!!!!! NOTHING!!!

PLUS!!
Kane bought him some sort of hunting gun? All because D wanted it. Money wasted, nothing was gained through this.

I was so angry when I found all of this out, I demanded he get his money back but of course he put up a fight and defended D. Now he regrets buying him those stuff and wishes he listened to me. Well I did warn him. Now it's all up to me to pay the bills, to get the groceries, and to make sure he have money to survive the month. And he feels bad that he can't help.

It's like talking to a WALL!!
No wonder why I drink!!
I have so much stress on my plate, and not the good ones I want!

Kane is not here right now, he is at his mom's house because D called for him again (like always)
I'm just here writing this blog and going through the budget (again), and going through this month's and next month's things that need to get done. And I'm also watching House just to take my mind of of things at the same time.

I always feel like every time Kane goes to his mom's house D has more influence to him, and he brings back his stupid ideas and shitty attitude back home so that I have to deal with it.

IT'S CALLED COMMON SENSE!!!
People should use it more often!

Looks like I have to be the brain for both of us until he can finally see that he has his own brain to use. Well at least I have something to look forward too, I'm having a couple of beers later so it can take the edge off. Kane will probable get mad, but you know what! I don't care, I've been working very hard and I deserve a break once in a while!

I'll keep you posted!

xoxo

I'm not surprised

Today was so draining!

IDK I just had no energy today. I felt so tired (and for some reason I couldn't even take a nap), I felt like my insides were shaking, it was an ugly feeling. But than again it was probably the hangover taking it's toll. I'm fine now but my whole day was wasted.

And surprise surprise!

After hearing through family gossip, my grandparents won't help me out with my car.

Well let's just say I'm not surprised about there decision.

But I think it's sort of unfair. I mean they get my uncles and aunty cars all the time (even my cousins!) and they always find ways to wreck there cars. Like my cousin took of with my aunty's car one time and he ended up empty on gas so he left it there, the next morning the car was set on fire.

They also get my cousins computers, mp3s, phones, motor bikes, A FUCKING PONY!!!
Taking them to Arizona and las vegas!

And I barley ask for anything from them!

And when I ask, there answer is always NO!

I get it!
That's there favourite grandkids. Whatever help I need doesn't matter to them.It's so stupid! I mean I go to school full-time, I don't have any kids and I'm not trying to get pregnant, I'm not a all out party girl (like my mom). And yet my cousins are doing the opposite of what I'm doing, they barley go to school, they go out and party and do drugs, they have kids they aren't even taking care of. Is something wrong with this view?

Well whatever!

I'm use to this, it's always been this way all my life but I just never had the chance to say it. I tried to work with them on a repayment plan or anyway to pay them back, But all I get is a big fat NO!

Oh well I figure out a new way to fix or get a new car.
I've been thinking of just getting new credit cards getting the cash advance to get a new car. Sure I'll most likely be in debt for like 10 years or longer, but I really do need a car.
I don't know? It's just an idea.

Or either getting a loan?

I don't know? These are all ideas. I haven't made up my mind on anything yet.

I got a lot to think about. Hopefully tomorrow I can have some new ideas.


xoxo

Rant for weeks slash trouble with mother-in-laws

Let's just say lately I've been off track of everything I wanted to do. I'm embarrassed……

Lately I've been on a drinking binge for a straight week, I'm disappointed in myself. I was suppose to go to school, I was suppose to get stuff done, I was suppose to start and finish projects. But I wasted my week.

I guess the reason why I drink is cause I get frustrated. 

Here's one of the reasons why:

Well I've been having problems with my boyfriend Kane.
All I want is for him to be a man and get shit done like he always says he's gonna do.
I mean he always goes to his mom's house everyday and just stays there doing nothing, I mean I GET IT!!!
You have a close relationship with your mom but there's only so much that it becomes unhealthy.

He constantly does everything for her, and this is what causes most of our fights.

Here is what I really want to say to him:

Your mom is a grown woman, she is still young. But the way she raised you is kind of twisted.
She has 8 kids, it's not your responsibility to raise them it's her, your the kid and she's the mom. If she can't handle raising her kids then she should quit opening her legs to guys that make fake promises to her and that can't even take care of her! You pay for her bills, you take her places, you watch the kids, you get her food, you do this and that! there's only so much stupidity I can take!!!!!

I mean I do things for my family when they ask me, but my family tries not to ask so much because they know they have to do it themselves, they only ask when they can't do it and if it's urgent and got nobody to turn to. I have support from my family but they always encourage me to do things for myself, to be my own person and to learn from my experiences.

But Kane you need to understand that what your mom is doing and raising her kids is wrong, it's not right.
Your mom easily makes a ton of money from the kids child tax and social, she can easily pay her bills, buy a car, get food and clothes for her kids. But instead she lets D take all her money and gives nothing to the kids. I don't know if this is a way just to keep her boyfriend with her (since he has no interest in taking in 8 kinds fathered by 2 guys)

I mean it's just pathetic!

And Since D got out of jail your whole attitude has changed from last year.
We use to be able to drink together and everything would just be fine but ever since he came out and everything you drink with me now, you freak out at me!!! And I noticed this ever since that bastard came out of jail.

I don't know what you see in him? Do you think he is a father figure? Do you think he is a Man?
A man that beats your mom, takes all her money for himself, that does nothing all day, that does not work or try to do anything, that gives nothing to your siblings except for his own kid, that has nothing going for his life except for trying to be gangster. Do you think that's a man? Some Man!!!!

Your mom has chances to make her home a better (livable) home. She can get real beds for her kids and make real rooms for them instead of it being a free for all (basically if you find the place to sleep then you sleep), she can get a real living room and a real kitchen. I mean there are places that helps families get all this, resources. But your mom is to lazy to even try! She always makes the baby an excuse or she makes people feel sorry for her. She's show's no interest in trying to help herself and her family. She needs to smarten up, grow up and take up her responsibility.

I mean seriously I've met harder working moms who have 1 or 2 jobs and go to school full-time. And al there doing is just tryna give better lives to there kids. Those kind of moms I give respect to.

I'm not tryna diss your mom or anything but all I'm tryna tell you is to stay home more get your own shit done, do stuff less for her, show her that her actions are not acceptable. Because deep down inside you know it's not right. I mean imagine, if I started to do that to our kid if we broke up. You would be so angry!

All I'm saying is that she needs to learn to do things for herself, and not getting everybody to do it for her.

I mean I always try to help you and guide you to do things for yourself, try to let you be your own person, with your own thoughts. But it gets harder when your mother always interferes with our lives. 

And the fact you don't notice this makes me so frustrated!

I mean you always tell me you want to do this or you want to try that or what kind of man you want to be, but honestly how can you if she keeps interfering with you and not making you live your life!

Honestly

I'm getting tired of caving, I'm getting tired of fighting over the same things over and over again.




Well thats why I'm frustrated!

I get so mad at myself because when i get so close to telling him this, he always freaks out at the beginning so that I can't tell him everything.

ugh this is driving me crazy!!!!

well till next time!!!

xoxo
Sky Scream

Morning and life shit!

Ok well today has been confusing?
I did everything that was suppose to be done and yet I'm still confused?
Me and Kane
- woke up
- talked to each other
- had our tea
-got ready for the day
- kissed him "good luck on his day" Than he left for work.
And I did my errands for the day.
Isn't life suppose to be like this? (like in the movies and stuffs?)
Why do I feel like something is missing?

I shouldn't be talking. I'm trying to get my life straight as it is. But inside me it always feels like i'm missing something (and i don't know what at the moment).

Well the only way to figure that out is to tell you about my days till i figure it out!!!!!!!

Well today I had to be in Calgary by 11am.
I slept on the ride and I was a lil bit hungover from the night before.
AND IF YOU REALLY KNOW ME, YOU KNOW I WON'T DO SHIT TILL 11 OR 11:30! 
I DON'T DO SHIT BEFORE 10!!!!!!!!!!!
(I MEAN DRINKING! YOU PERVERTS! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I WAS TALKING ABOUT?!?!) 

Yeah I admit I have a drinking problem, But I'll start on my new routine next week! (only drink on weekends!)

This new plan can help so much! (Hopefully)


Yeah, yeah I made this promise to myself before………
But this time I plan to stick to it,
I wanna have a better life than this and this is the only way.
And also I promised my Kane
Sometimes I just want to give up but than I remember he has my back and he is always on my side.
Looks like I have to get use to the feeling.

Since I was homeless and a street kid when I was a teenager.
But times do change, everything changes for everyone.
I just gotta learn to accept it.

xoxo
till next time!

Sky Scream

Need better service!!!!!!!

REVIEW

Well I had dinner at Tony Romas in Calgary (Crowfoot location), and sadly i was disappointed in the service.

Don't get me wrong the food was great! But the service was unacceptable.

My boyfriend and I sat down and ordered our drinks but our waiter refused that we were over 18 (we offered all of our IDS) he did not believe we were over the age limit and this caused a scene between us.
So we ordered our food and everything was alrite but we didn't notice we had to leave really soon so we asked our waiter if we can have our food boxed up instead.
He rolled his eyes at us and acted very rude to us!
It was embarrassing and made it obvious to everyone around us. 
I mean come on! When your in this line of work you can't be annoyed and show it in front of customers . I understand that people have bad days but this was stupid!!!!!! We were polite and nice to you and even left you a big tip (even though I think you didn't deserve it). 

What is the saying????? If you have a personal problem then leave it at home.
The service was a disappointment to me, but the food was excellent!

Hopefully they improve this situation.

New The Sims Game

For all you Sim Lovers!

News has just broke out that there will be a Sims 4 game coming out soon!
The Sims 4 will be released in 2014 and is said to be more better than the last versions.

But I have to say it's a waste for most of us who by the new versions every year!

First it was The Sims, then came The Sims 2, Then The Sims 3 now, The Sims 4?!?! What next!?
Sure the game is fun but quit changing it! It's starting to get annoying when you have to have to sign up for the new websites everytime!

While that's my rant for the day! If you think i'm wrong or right then hit me up!

xoxo
Sky Scream