Well yesterday was a roller coaster ride.
Let's just say I got upset with Kane for going back on his word. But honestly I shouldn't have been all that surprise. It always happens.
He left to his mom's house. I thought it was gonna be quick and D called for him so I thought it was harmless. But than he came back at 9 kind of drunk wanting to borrow something of mines and go back to the house. He told me they invited him to a barbecue. At this point I thought this was a slap in the face. He promised me he would be a better boyfriend, and that all this bullshit would stop, but here it was back on course. Kane would make a promise and keep to it for a week or 2, then either D or someone get him to do something than he goes back to his old ways.
I'm just tired of the promises he hasn't kept, to be honest I don't trust his word anymore. I need to see it to believe it now.
I just wish these people didn't have such a hold over him. He needs to improve his life but these people are just bringing him down and making him be in the same place.
But I still haven't given up on him.
I know how hard it is to change because I'm going through it myself. But the difference between me and him is that I know what's bringing me down and I think things through, I keep my promises, I keep moving forward and keep getting things done, and I know how to say no.
Let's just say yesterday I was doing a lot of thinking.
I'm always the one cleaning up his messes including mine. And he needs to start seeing that. Cause I'm the one that has to use my own money to get the car (even though he said he was gonna pay for it), how I noticed this is that first he promised his social check to me, than after a couple weeks he wants to sell weed and only give me $40 out of the profit for the car.
Well then that's gonna take a lot time for saving up just only $40 at a time to get $2500. I need the car by this summer! He needs a new plan! But of course I know this isn't him talking, it sounds like D talking.
I don't trust this plan, I don't trust D. It sounds like the exact same thing like last year and all Kane got was screwed over.
Let's just say Kane gave D $700 for weed so he can sell it. D got the weed sold some and never gave Kane a single cent!!!!! NOTHING!!!
PLUS!!
Kane bought him some sort of hunting gun? All because D wanted it. Money wasted, nothing was gained through this.
I was so angry when I found all of this out, I demanded he get his money back but of course he put up a fight and defended D. Now he regrets buying him those stuff and wishes he listened to me. Well I did warn him. Now it's all up to me to pay the bills, to get the groceries, and to make sure he have money to survive the month. And he feels bad that he can't help.
It's like talking to a WALL!!
No wonder why I drink!!
I have so much stress on my plate, and not the good ones I want!
Kane is not here right now, he is at his mom's house because D called for him again (like always)
I'm just here writing this blog and going through the budget (again), and going through this month's and next month's things that need to get done. And I'm also watching House just to take my mind of of things at the same time.
I always feel like every time Kane goes to his mom's house D has more influence to him, and he brings back his stupid ideas and shitty attitude back home so that I have to deal with it.
IT'S CALLED COMMON SENSE!!!
People should use it more often!
Looks like I have to be the brain for both of us until he can finally see that he has his own brain to use. Well at least I have something to look forward too, I'm having a couple of beers later so it can take the edge off. Kane will probable get mad, but you know what! I don't care, I've been working very hard and I deserve a break once in a while!
I'll keep you posted!
xoxo
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