Update August

Hey you! 

Wow! It's been so long since I blogged, I promise to keep you up to date from now on!

Well, Ive gotten extensions put in my hair............and I LOVE THEM!!!!!
I joined World Health gym, and I got a personal trainer! It's the best! I mean the amount of money I spend a month is actually worth it!

But this summer I've been in this youth program (It's suppose to put you in different jobs to gain work experience. But it's SHIT! They really need to hire some people to run this program because the people doing it now have no clue what there doing!) But an easy way to earn cash I guess?

Oh yeah! 
And my cousin Tia came to live with me and my great aunt.
I'm not gonna complain she has been a big help! She cleans and cooks, and keeps my grandmother (great aunt) happy. And it's nice to have some one young like I am around the house.
Gotta give props to my cousin Tia for making my life less stressful!

But lately I've had no cash on me because bills built up over the summer. OMG this is the first that ever happened! I now understand why people say I wish I was a kid again! Same here!!!

I still want things, I want to improve in my life, I got one done (working out 4 times a week). But (yeah i gotta admit when I'm bored I drink) cut down and do something that will keep me busy. BUT HEY! At least I'm making baby steps to improve my life! It's hard I gotta admit! I have low self discipline ( and YES I hate myself for that!) But baby steps you know, baby steps.

I'm not saying I have a problem, it;s just i'm ADHD and I gotta have something todo to keep me busy. And believe me, on the rez you can get extremely BORED!!!!!!! So yeah, I'm trying to come up with other options for me to do. It's been hard. But at least I haven't given up!

Anyways at the moment it's 1:58 am and I'm watching Jeepers Creepers 2. And I'm kinda getting creeped out LOL!

But anyways my upcoming posts will be more me............if you catch my drift! With pics and shit I mean LOL! 

Anyways I'll keep you posted!!!! PROMISE!!!!!!!

XOXO

Jealousy of Mothers and Life (to me at least?)

I have a new theory about life.

What if a person like me try to live the life of a mom? Without being a mom.

Is that even possible?

Have other people tried it?

All my friends that have kids and people I look up to have kids seem to have a stable life, sadly the kind of life I want but with out kids (do you kind of get it?).

It's just how happy they are, how proud they are, how they know what the next step is (sort of).

If you know what I mean then you get it. But others might have problems understanding.

I'm not say getting pregnant is the answer to happiness. I'm just saying people that experienced that seem to me have a happy stable life.

Ive tried the so called "right" way:

Kane and I dated awhile
We moved in together
We got dogs together

The next step is to get engaged, than married, then kids and so on. But we are not there yet on the list incase you haven't noticed.

IDK?
Maybe it's just the beauty of how these mothers are living there lives?
Inspiration?
Motivation?
Determination? 

IDK?

It's just how there living there lives is inspiring to me (they have to tell me there secrets! lol!)

I have a list of moms in my head that inspire me,
They just keep on going.
Don't stop.
Until what needs to get done gets done.

So this post is to moms that gets shit done to provide a better life for there kids.

They inspire me

I just wish I have what they have, the dream? The inspiration?

IDK

Let's just say I'm sort of jealous of you

I wish I knew what my life should focus on,
But since it's still like this life is throwing me random balls and I don't know what to focus on.

This is a shout out to all hard working mothers.

You have my respect!
<3

xoxo

Thank you Jamie

Here's my babies saying HELLO!!!!!!!

From Audrey to Hannah and Raquel!!!!!!




Anyways lately I've been thinking about what kind of life I want to have……
And to be honest I would want my friend Jamie's life.
She's married to someone she loves, she has 3 beautiful kids and she has a job that she loves and keeps doing!

I would kill for a life like that!!!!!!! Actually I'm trying to get my life like that.

She tells me she's been to the hospital for over working herself………..Well hell can i switch with you to see how that feels! (because someone like me will never feel that)
But seriously I wish I can have what you have or the experience.
I'm tryna make myself a workaholic but its slowly coming.

IDK most people will think it's unhealthy to think like this but if you know me, and how I grew up then this is a fucking improvement!!!!!!


All I'm saying is I want to get married to someone I love, have kids and get paid to do the things I love/like. Is that to much to ask for?



I guess you can say the life I want is my friend Jamie's, the experiences, the security, the truth and honest living.
IDK how I can explain it more……….  but just the motivation in everything in life, family, love home, work. I want that!!!!!!!

Let's just say Jamie has been 1 of my idols growing up (mother, best friend) and through all the ups and downs it seems like she prepared me for that (I'm ready for it).

I'm ready to make my life how I want it to be, and it's all thanks to her.



xoxoxo